Oh Great, Not Again!

Thanksgiving ’07.There wasn’t a big turn out this year. I wonder why? Probably because of my dumb brother-in-law. My brother and his wife moved across the country to get away from that guy. I don’t blame them one bit. After last year we decided to use paper plates and cutlery whenever possible, less my brother-in-law break an antique like last year. Every year we try to learn from our mistakes, but every year he pulls something different.

This year was no exception. Everyone was looking forward to a nice, relaxing Thanksgiving this year because my brother-in-law was going to be working at his new job transporting books from Milwaukee to Wichita. How he even got that job, I don’t even know. Right when we were about to start the cooking, that dummy walks in and says “holla” pronouncing the "h"(his version of “hi”). Then before any of us could recover from the shock of seeing him here, he jumps up and swats the ceiling fan pull-chain. It swings up and breaks one of the light bulbs and the cockatoo caged in the corner screeches. Everyone just stood there in shocked silence. That was only the beginning, though it was nothing compared to the weirdness that he started talking about.

He had recently heard of a new Thanksgiving meal called turducken. I vaguely remember hearing about this dish, a turkey stuffed with a duck, stuffed with a chicken. He insisted on calling it “turdunkin’.” Dushan corrected him and he just stared off into space with a blank look for a while, then continued on as if no one said anything. I would have thought he was faking it, but you never know with my brother-in-law. Then, halfway through the evening, he started saying “turdunkin’ doughnuts.” Everyone was annoyed, but he wouldn’t stop. During the dinner, people started getting up to go eat outside. He never came out; that was nice! When we went back in he was gone…and so was his plate of food. He must have just taken the whole thing with him, because the dish was not there either. What a weirdo. We’ll probably never get that plate back. A nice dish set ruined all because of my dumb brother-in-law.

Thanksgiving Stress '05

So, it was Thanksgiving of '05 and people say that finally sitting down to eat dinner is a relaxing time. But not for my family. That's usually the most stressful part of the whole evening. And it's all because of my brother-in-law, who I hate. We fight every year at Thanksgiving dinner, during the dinner. Last year, when we were fighting, he picked the whole turkey up to throw at me. Using my lightning quick reflexes, I ducked under the table. But that huge turkey hit the antique display where Nana keeps all her antique plates. Next, it bounced off flapping its cooked turkey wings and flew right into the back of Auntie Muriel's head. She thought Nana did it, so she called her a "crabby old lady." Then she left the table and took the desserts she had brought with her. But in her anger, she actually took my cousin, Ben's, tri-tip, which he brought and cooked because he doesn't like turkey. She headed straight out back where the 15 dogs that belong to my family members ran to attack her with the tri-tip. Luckily, when she fell, she landed on the grass. Meanwhile, Ben stomped off crying because he didn’t want to eat turkey and his tri-tip was gone. So he took all the desserts and locked himself in the bathroom. But he doesn’t even like desserts, so he just flushed them all down the toilet, which of course, made the toilet flood. Desserts and toilet water came seeping out from under the bathroom door. Gizzy, the dog who eats poo, quickly lapped up the toilet desserts as fast as he could. Later that day he would spend most of time barfing it back up and then eating it again. While all this was going on, Nana attacked my brother-in-law for ruining the turkey, breaking her antiques, and getting Auntie Muriel mad at her. I was glad to see that Nana attacked him without sustaining any injuries, even though she has bad knees and such. Once again, that dumb guy ruined our whole Thanksgiving. Big surprise. Man, I hate that guy.